Washington is on the loose...
OUT of retirement, he and 81 Year old Benjamin Franklin wrought havoc at the Philadelphia Convention in 1787. The hot house rose temperatures and tempers. Arguements about replacing the Articles of Confederation turned violent when Washington threw his chair into the crowd declaring "I AM CHAIRMAN! FEAR MY CHAIR!"  Benjamin Franklin giggled like giddy old men do and clapped his hands before wincing from rheumatism and arthritis. James Madison got up with his frilly pink quill, one hand on his hip, declared "Now boythhh, thith ith no way to behave!!"
Alexander Hamilton turned on him wide eyed and declared "GAY!" The following scene seemed like the inspiration for the Salem Witch Hunts. James Madison was burned at the stake in the court house while there were accusations of homosexuality. At one point, even George Washington was accused. Angrily, he jabbed his finger at his accuser and declared, "Only a gay would accuse such a macho man as I of being a homo-hom-homo-SEXUAL! YOU ONLY WANT ME TO BE GAY!!! I HAVE A WIFE AND SHE'D BITCH SLAP YOU FOR ME!"
His accuser gasped then bitch slapped Washington yelling something along the lines of "YOUR WIFE IS A ****." Then ran off crying.
Before long, near-by townspeople heard the ruckus and knowing there must be something interesting happening at the court house, grabbed their torches and pitchforks because one never attends to a mob session without weapons with a long wooden handle. They forked all who got in their way.  A path of corpses and burnt houses was left in their seething wake.  If someone looked at them and was of the same sex, he was soon burned at the pire.
Many ended up wearing blind folds running in circles screaming "HOMOSEXUAL!"
Some southerners made posters "God Made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve"

After several hours of melee, all was quelled when someone started tossing around the ol' pigskin, and all men joined in knowing "Gays can't play football, Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, would smite them." (Bob Haystacker, 48) "I can smell a queer but everyone's playin' with the pigskin so..."

The Articles of Confederation and the first draft of the Constitution were unfortunately burned along with a few queers and straights. However, it wasnt long before the delegates decided that the constitution should be simple.
"Why don't we just rule the country like football? Anyone we dont like should be tackled and have his legs broken," suggest Edmund Randolph.

Thus here is our country today.


or at least that would make history a WHOLE lot more interesting...

 for TWO WHOLE DAYS...thats 48 hours folks...and there is no new episode...zip, zero, nada.  i see no little blue dot next to a nocturnal episode or infected episode.  im very upset...
do you know what happens when a junkie gets upset?  they go crazy and hurt people...or hunt down scott sigler and make him tell me stories in person...

scott...I NEED STORIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs D: D: D:

you made me a junkie...now provide for me.

drug lords cant just TAKE A VACATION...do you know what the crack whores would do when he gets back??????

I listened to a pseudopod episode last night about a chick who put things under her skin and would cut herself and just heal back and then she stopped healing one day.  anyway, this'll show me not to do that again. right?

First off, i keep dreaming of a big ceremony.

2.)I dreamt I was at a kind of YMCA or something, but everyone was gathered there because something was happening in the world.  Then, i saw flames, so i grabbed John and ran and we got in his car (same make but this time it was red) and we started to drive away and i just slept in the back of the car.  and no, i dont like him.  hes just a friend.  thank god.  [im sorry but his dna is the last thing i need...hes a great tanguero but on the attraction level, its zip...erlack]

3.) then i dreamt I was getting ice for austin because i had stripped off all his skin.  then i thought "oh i should get him a bowl to put it in too..."  andd so we put his skin strips in a bowl and i gave him ice and he put his skin back on and he was really mad at me and crying and i felt so bad that i had done that.  so curse you pseudopod for having stories that get in my dreams...curse you for being so good i cant delete you off my subscription list.  but secretly, I love you deep down in my heart for terrorizing me.

4.) i dreamt i was wearing my graduation gown again and i was standing around with a bunch of juniors telling them how cool it had been.  then this fat kid came up to me and he was hillary clinton's son [its because i listened to a katg episode about the radio host saying they were "pimping out" chelsea clinton a few days ago] and i felt stupid that i hadnt recognized him. 

my dreams are so weird lately.  i keep dreaming that theres this big ceremony that i'm at and that i get bored and want to leave (and sometimes i do).

I gotta get this off my sweating, heaving breasts.

I really want to make a double of me (same age, everything, i want me, not a twin) so I can have sex with me.  It would be the ultimate sexual experience.  Only you know yourself perfectly.  I'd be comfortable with me physically AND mentally.  I'd know myself intimately physically and intellectually.  It would be so amazing.  And, I wouldnt be having sex with a girl, I'd be having sex with me.  (I would never touch anyone else's vagina but mine, thanks.  Men don't have vaginas, so I can't close my eyes and just pretend you're effeminate but still have a dick.)  Plus, I'm the hottest girl I know, in my opinion.  I'm sorry I'm not attracted to you ladies, but if I can attract myself, woof.  (Men, form your own opinions, that's what makes the world go 'round.)

So, I love me.  Would you fuck me?  I'd fuck me.  I'd fuck me all night long.

P.s.  no one seems to remember the end of the tale of Narcissus...all the nymphs who loved how beautiful this boy was came out and cried.  The lake (that Narcissus drowned in) asked the nymphs why they were crying.  "Don't you miss Narcissus?  He was so beautiful."  And the lake said,  "I never noticed.  I was looking at my reflection in his eyes."

(and if you're too stupid to see the meaning of that, it's not that narcissism is a disgusting thing, its that everyone is interested in themselves.  thats why we have mirrors.  thats why we spend more than two seconds in a shower, brushing our hair, trimming beards, etc.  "Love seeketh itself to please.")

Tadaa.

[For two good sci fi short stories go to www.pseudopod.org and look for Pseudopod 037: We Are All Very Lively and Pseudopod 094: The Skull-Faced Boy] 

Can you imagine the utter horror you'd experience if you saw someone walking down the street with strips of flesh hanging off his face?  How does the inanimate become animated?
The lack of understanding is the scariest part.  How do you kill something that's already dead?  Especially if it's cunning.  (See Pseudopod 094: The Skull-Faced Boy]

I used to not be afraid of zombies.  I'm not afraid of mummies.  mummies dont eat your brains and theyre in egypt and museums and theres not that many of them AND they're wrapped in starched linen.  however, zombies?  well, the dead are everywhere.  theyre more proliferate than the living.  and theyre unstoppable.  and they eat your brains so that when you die, you're not just a conscious dead person, youre a mindless killing moaning machine.  and although the animation of the dead seems nearly impossible, it seems more possible each day.  all you have to do is reanimate certain regions of the brain...its not that far fetched, really...which is so scary.

shiver me timbers.  lets hope i never see zombies in my lifetime.

I am the proud receiver of a diploma.  BOOYA

This is momentous.  Prodigious.  Historic.  
I'll be dressed in cardinal and gold and proud slip the tassle right to left.

omg.

im so excited.


im gonna go to michael's now and bejewel my graduation cap to say UCD in rhinestones cuz im so awsesome like that.  :D